I knew there was a definite possibility this could happen to me at some point. In fact, I prepared for it. When I first decided to launch this blog, my husband and I had a very real conversation about what making myself more visible on the internet actually means. Inviting people into your every day life- even a well-curated internet version of it- opens the door to a lot of opinions and comments. I got that. But I felt the value of connecting with people and creating content that resonated outweighed any negatives that might come my way. I still do.
So this morning, when I grabbed my phone to check my work email from bed- as I’ve done every morning for as long as I can remember- and read the words “Fat, but you’re still cute… I guess” written to me by a complete and total stranger in response to one of my photos (the photo you see above, in fact) my initial reaction surprised even me. I did not feel hurt. I did not feel ashamed. I did not feel embarrassed. I felt angry, but more than anything I felt empowered.
I will be the first to openly point out that a “typical” fashion blogger is not 5’1″. They are not in their 30’s (in most cases). They wear a size 2-4. I do not. But I am not typical. And I don’t pretend to be.
I’m short- as my mother, and grandmother, and great grandmother were before me. I’m in my 30’s- because I’ve lived, and worked, and traveled, and earned multiple degrees; all of which has led me to a place in my life and career with the freedom and flexibility to be creative in a field that makes me ridiculously happy. I’m curvy- because I’m Italian, and I drink wine, and I eat pizza, and I work out, because being healthy and happy and balanced and strong is more important to me than a number on a scale. And I make zero apologies for any of those things.
Bearing this in mind- to have a stranger belittle my existence to my weight or size is inexcusable. To insinuate that it would be a surprise for a woman above a certain size or weight to be attractive is inexcusable. To completely ignore that a person’s self-worth should actually be measured in the deeds they do and the kindness they show to others is inexcusable. To go out of your way to spread unwarranted negativity toward another person is inexcusable. And for me, not to speak up about this would also be inexcusable.
I know I’m not alone. I know I’m not the only one. I know there are women- my friends, my readers, my family, other bloggers- who have experienced far worse. Between body-shaming, slut-shaming, abuse and sexism, being a woman right at this very moment seems like an exhaustive task. But it’s not. A new day is on the horizon. The more we speak out- against mistreatment and unkind behavior- regardless of the scale or significance of the act itself- the more we’ll make a difference. “Everything we do, even the slightest thing, can have a ripple effect and repercussions that emanate. If you throw a pebble into the water on one side of the ocean, it can create a tidal wave on the other side.” -Victor Webster
I made a pledge at the start of 2018 to be kinder to myself this year (more on that here). I’d like to add an addendum to that pledge. Let’s start being a little kinder to each other, shall we?
With love and kindness, wear you are now.
xx
Natalie
Natalie
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Elizabeth
I’m so happpy that you are standing up and feeling empowered by this Natalie!
25 . 01 . 2018Natalie
Thanks so much Elizabeth! xoxo
26 . 01 . 2018Courtney Byers- A byers guide
Ughh why are people so mean? I think you are GORGEOUS! I just stumbled upon a “hate thread” about me, so I am so proud of you for speaking out. people are unhappy and crazy.
26 . 01 . 2018Natalie
My gosh girl- the number of us that can relate to this is incredible. Props to you for rising above, too! xx
29 . 01 . 2018Jackie
I wish I looKed like you!! At 60 i have learned that i have a choice to allow other’s judgement of me to be pushed aside and disregard their negative intention or to allow their ruthless BEHAVIOR effect me. I have to be happy with me because when i leave this place, i am taking only me to the other side. Your words here are amazingly spot on to the issue. I won’t let them break me and only me will make me- nit them!! You are beautiful and strong. Don’t ever Let someone make you feel any less.
27 . 01 . 2018Natalie
Thank you so much for your kind words, Jackie! You are spot on- it is a conscious choice whether or not we choose to let negativity affect us. Sometimes easier said then done, but a life lesson I continue to work on daily! xoxo
29 . 01 . 2018emily | shell chic'd
Way to be girl. You look beautiful and KUDOS for allowing that comment to empower you! xx
29 . 01 . 2018Natalie
Thanks girl! xx
29 . 01 . 2018Jenna at Boston Chic Party
Natalie, you are absolutely beautiful inside and out! You brigHten so many peoples day by sharing yours and i am so proud of you for sharing this. Xoxo, Jenna
05 . 02 . 2018Bostonchicparty.Com
Natalie
Jenna, thank you! It means so much to have you in my corner. xx
05 . 02 . 2018Anjana
Natalie,
I HAVE A YOUNG DAUGHTER AND SON, WHO WATCH ME WHEN I BRING UP YOUR BLOG AND VARIOUS OTHER MEDIA TO SHOW THEM TRUE BEAUTY.
bloggers like you make a difference. keep going, don’t stop. there is a crowd of women supporting you, cheering you on and changing our own biases with every post like this.
16 . 02 . 2018Natalie
Anjana, your words have touched me more than you know. I honestly teared up reading this. It is more important than ever that we diversify standards of beauty and speak openly about what that means for all of us. Knowing I have support from readers like you makes all the difference in the world. Thank you! xx
16 . 02 . 2018